Chess piece officially renamed “horsie”

You may have been calling it by another name for years, and now the high priests of chess won’t correct you when you call a certain chess piece something other than “knight.”

“I’ve had enough of this geekery,” says FIDE president Kirsan Ilyumzhinov. “These dweebs have been calling it a knight for too long. It’s a horsie. Just a little horse–nothing else. Does anyone else see a dude in plate armor riding on this thing? I didn’t think so.”

Ilyumzhinov, the former president of an autonomous Russian republic, pushed the change through FIDE’s rules council with a fear campaign that other FIDE council members call “The Reign of Terror.”The president isn’t so sure the “Reign of Terror” moniker is appropriate.

“Look. Just because I dish out a couple of wedgies doesn’t mean anyone should be terrified. Let’s just all grow up and call it a ‘horsie,’ huh?”