Ethiopians may have discovered cheap, all-natural energy drink

As the African Society for Laboratory Medicine convenes for the first time this week, we may hear more about a major breakthrough in the effort to improve energy drinks. Ethiopian scientists may have made the key step of finding an easy way to isolate caffeine from more harmful ingredients like taurine, guarana, and heavy sodium.

“Actually, it was kind of an accident,” relates Debna Legnel, an assistant in a pharmacological lab in town. “As our lab isn’t located in downtown Addis Abba, there are many native plants growing on our campus. Some of these plants grow right outside our lab’s windows. We had a small fire in the lab this week, and a few of the Coffea arabica plants outside were charred. After a heavy rain, we noticed some mice outside drinking the dark water that had collected under the roasted plants.

“It was clear that the dark-water drinking mice exhibited different behavior from other mice. Their movements became erratic. They were increasingly interested in our discarded cigarette butts, and would scurry to sit beneath the window whenever any folk music came on the radio in our lab. We aren’t sure of what all the effects of drinking the dark water could be, but one thing is certain–these little devils have more energy.”
                                       
“So, harnessing the oils contained in the roasted beans of the coffee plant might yield a sustainable, inexpensive source of caffeine. We’re just not sure. We’ll have to run some more tests.”

The scientists have taken to roasting the beans of the coffee plant, grinding them into a powder, and steeping them in hot water to create a warm liquid. Their nicknames around the lab for the substance include names that translate loosely as “GoGo Juice,” “Toxic Sludge,” and “The Black Devil.”