Hipster Gadhafi mostly upset over missing iPod

As tensions mount in Libya, many are wondering just what has driven Moammar Gadhafi to the extremes that have incurred the wrath of the U.N. As talking heads and the world’s leaders jockey to find solutions and explanations for Gadhafi’s outrageously dictatorial reaction to political protests in his country, it turns out there’s a relatively simple explanation.

“I dunno, man,” quipped Moammar this week, “I checked my messenger bag and the pouch on my Vespa, and I even sent a text to King Hussein. This is wack, yo. I can’t find my iPod anywhere.

“You may think it’s no big deal, Jack, but I needs my Crystal Castles. How am I supposed to keep an eye on the future, my country, and my threads simultaneously without 24/7 access to things like Captain Beefheart and my man Donald Fagen? Where are my menthols? Dammit!”