
“I used to think the other patrons loved me. I thought the other folks in the bar on Wednesdays were just whistling because they were trying to get a friend’s attention, or that they were booing because they didn’t like the people who were whistling. Or maybe they were getting up and leaving because they had an appointment. I dunno. I know I’m not perfect, but who doesn’t want to hear ‘Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree’?
“But last week really stunned me. A guy at the end of the bar started shaking while I was singing an encore of Robert Goulet’s “What Now My Love,” and then he threw his car keys at me. I thought he just wanted me to give him a ride home, so I was like, ‘maybe next week, Billy Ocean.’
“Then he threw his beer at me, and I said, ‘no thanks, I’ve already got a drink.’ But then he started screaming, and his head just exploded. There was blood everywhere. I made it through the song, but I was shocked.
“I don’t know for sure, but I think I heard the DJ say, ‘alright, let’s give a hand to Mr. Jobangles, the worst karaoke singer in the history of mankind.’
“I don’t think I should go back this week. I may not be as good as I thought I was.”
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