Postmaster General claims overdue stamp design is “in the mail”

This week, the Post Office was scheduled to unveil its latest stamp design. However, when it didn’t arrive in Washington on time for today’s unveiling ceremony, U.S. Postmaster General Patrick R. Donahoe offered an all-too-familiar explanation.

“Our R&D department is on the West Coast, so it naturally takes a few days for our designs to get here. I don’t know if bad weather over our Cincinnati distribution center is to blame, but I’m pretty sure the design will get here by the end of the week.”

When The Picayune Times boldly asked Mr. Donahoe if he’d ever considered other methods for sending the design across the continent, he was adamant about his choice of delivery.

“UPS and FedEx? Amateurs. You wouldn’t ask a kid to do a man’s job. And e-mail? That’s for suckers. You can’t trust digital. Analog’s true blue, baby.

“I just hope those freaks in L.A. put the right postage on the envelope. I mean, that would be pretty embarrassing, right?”